Part of succeeding in life, be it dating desirable women, achieving career goals, or other things, means surrounding yourself with good, healthy influences that push you into the direction you are trying to go, even during times where you don’t have the strength to keep going. Humans are social animals; and we need the interaction with others to refine our own personalities.

It is tempting to keep all of your existing social circles around you, no matter how little they contribute to your current life pursuits – because none of us like to “cut the cord” of a relationship or friendship that we have had for a while.

But to be successful, you have to be ruthless with the social circles you maintain. There really is something to the phrase “You are who you hang with” or “Birds of a feather, flock together”. Every once in a while, you should take a look at all of your friends and ask yourself, “Are these people contributing to my life in a positive way?”

When you start improving aspects of your life, a lot of people who are not good in that aspect either, and are uninterested in improving that area of their life will hold you back. They may criticize you, judge you and even attack you aggressively for evolving into a different direction from them. This is not going to make the work you need to do easier!So be ruthless with the people you choose to spend your time with. Life is so difficult already – you rarely get anything in life without fighting for it – so why would you want excessive conflict in your social circle?

I’ve noticed that I switch social circles approximately every 3 – 5 years. It’s not something I jot down in my calendar, it just happens, as my view of the world and personal goals change. I change pretty often, and most people don’t, so I guess it’s pretty natural to move away from people that you no longer mesh well with. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I tell them they are negative losers and that I don’t want any part of their loser-lives anymore, it just means that I am careful with how much of my time I devote to maintaining those relationships.

When wondering if one of your friends is a loser you should stop spending time with, consider the following points:

1. They talk about problems instead of solutions

Do you ever sit around with certain people and discuss issues in current affairs, your jobs, your relationships etc.? Have you ever noticed that most people are quick to offer their analysis of “what is wrong” with something, without actually offering a solution on how to fix it? A classic example is that a lot of people are quick to criticize the way an established government runs the country without offering alternative solutions. People literally spend hours talking about this. What a waste of time.

Unsuccessful people love to criticize and offer their perspective on why something isn’t the way it should be. They do this because it helps them to feel intelligent and secure when other people listen to them and agree with their “expert analysis”.

The truly superior man isn’t concerned with appearing intelligent or having others listen to his wandering thoughts: he focuses his time on devising solutions instead of talking about problems.

Don’t hang out with people who complain and criticise a lot. They are problem-focused people and unlikely to amount to much in life.

2. They focus on staying the same instead of growing

If you’re not growing, you’re dying. That’s a rule of nature: anything that isnt growing and contrubuting, is whithering and will be eventually removed and replaced. In my opinion, one of the secrets to true happiness is constantly striving to achieve new goals: growing further and learning new things.

Many people think that if they can just get that one thing — that promotion, that house, that car, that girl — and maintain it forever, they’ll be happy. Unfortunately, that’s not how the world works. Every moment in life is either a test or a celebration, and it never ends. Life never stands still.

We evolve over time and what we want changes. We should continually set the bar higher and try to learn and achieve new things. If you spend time with people who work to maintain the status quo of their lives, you will notice that they seem listless and bored. Avoid these people and spend time with those who like to grow.

3. They want what others want / don’t know what they truly want

If you ask someone why they want something, whether it’s a particular career, a harem full of beautiful women, one true love, or anything else, they should be able to tell you exactly why they want it.

If you keep asking, “Why?” of them and the final answer is, “Because that’s what I should want” or “Because I have always wanted that,” then the only real reason they want it is because society has conditioned them into thinking they need this. This is a telltale sign of a loser: he isn’t inspired by his own, inner goals and dreams, but what he thinks he needs to keep up  with and impress the people around him. One day, these kinds of people will realize that their life has been wasted, chasing other people’s goals. That’s one of the reasons why so many old people are miserable?

Surround yourself with people who are working hard but understand why they are working hard.

4. They justify themselves to people that don’t matter

When you reject or question the status quo, people around you will typically challenge you and criticise you.

It’s tempting to defend your viewpoints to anyone who challenges it, but when you do so you accept their view as more important than yours. But This is your life, therefore their view of your life is less important than your view of your life. This is a mistake that I often made in the past, especially when I started a new project in my life: I would tell everyone about it, in hope of getting their approval and understanding. Unfortunately, most people don’t have the vision and attiture to be supportive of any goal that exceeds their limited horizon.

A superior man doesn’t waste time explaining his endeavours, thoughts and passions to those whom they do not recognise a similar or higher level of achievement in. You are not here to persuade others around to share your viewpoint, you are here to achieve your goals – regardless of whether the rest of the world shares them or not.

5. They talk a lot about what they are going to do

Unsuccessful people talk a lot in the future tense. They always have plans, ideas and outlines for what they are going to do, but spend very little time implementing these plans.

Don’t talk constantly about your plans, and don’t ever talk about your plans with losers . The more time you spend talking about them, the less time you are spending actually implementing them.

The world is full of unsuccessful people with great ideas and seemingly high ambitions, but very few people put in the time and energy that is necessary to realise those ideas and ambitions. Avoid people who talk a lot in the future tense!

6. They value instant gratification over long-term goals

Unsuccessful people seek short-term relief from their unhappiness by distracting themselves from their problems rather than addressing them with sustainable and real solutions.

Excessive drinking, smoking, and promiscuity are often symptoms of this. I am not judging people that engage in those things: I know plenty people that are very successful that do enjoy an occasional cigarette, drink or like to have casual sex. But they are doing it because they enjoy those things, rather than as distractions from other problems they may have.

Long-term solutions to problems take effort to implement, but are ultimately worth it. Anything you use to distract yourself from the problem will give you a few moments’ respite, but leave you unsatisfied in the long-term.

7. They lie, cheat or steal as a solution

People who lie, cheat or steal in order to achieve a goal do not really achieve it, but have simply manipulated a false outcome. The outcome will not be sustainable, or it will not give them the real happiness they sought.

Don’t hang out with people that use these methods to achieve their goals. They may seem successful at times, but their success is precarious and short-lived. Inside, they are deeply unhappy people and know that they will never achieve real success.

Be careful whom you spend your time with. Unhealthy influences pervade the world. Learn to recognise them and steer clear of them – your success in life depends on it.